A popular question Lee and I get all the time is, "What makes a successful relationship?" Thus the reason for this post. I wanted to share my thoughts on what makes our relationship successful. I have narrowed my thoughts down to these three things: communication, healing, and God.
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. If the communication is on point, it will eliminate a lot of issues and arguments. I used to think that communication just meant you talk everyday in order to learn about each other. You know talking for hours at a time on the phone asking basic questions like, "What's your favorite color?" or "What's your favorite food?" or "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" And while those are important things to know and have a place in your relationship, at some point you have to start digging deeper. Lee and I talked about our childhood, finances, politics, past relationships, religion, science, etc. You name it, we talked about it!
Learn to communicate when your significant other says or does things that upset or hurt you. I'm the type that when I get upset, I shut down. I don't talk. I want to get as far away from the frustration as possible. I'd just be upset and leave Lee wondering why I was upset. Then I would get even more upset because he wasn't fixing the issue. But how can he fix an issue that he doesn't know is an issue? I had to learn to get outside of myself, and verbalize what I was feeling.
Be healed before trying to be in a relationship. This means confront and work on whatever internal issues you may have. I am not saying you have to be perfect or you have to have all the answers before being in a relationship. I'm just saying, don't go into a relationship knowing that you are unhealthy emotionally. Or let's say you didn't know you had any internal issues but being in your relationship manifested them? Confront and work on them! When you get into a relationship, your issues are no longer just your issues. Your issues become your significant other's issues as well and vice versa.
I had to be healed before I was ready for Lee. God was so intentional about making me confront my issues, and working on my heart. I had unforgiveness in my heart for myself and for others around me. If I hadn't submitted to the Lord and humbled myself under His hand, I would not have been ready for Lee. I would have mishandled him and our relationship. I would have allowed the condition of my heart to ruin a good thing. God created your significant other just like He created you so that means He loves them just as much as He loves you. I don't believe that it is God's will for you or your significant other to be mishandled.
If God didn't ordain you all to be together, it won't work. It will be rough from beginning to end. God will give you signs if your relationship is of Him or if it's not. So many people stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships that God didn't ordain just for Instagram and Facebook likes and comments. They stay together just so people can say, "aawww! Ya'll are so cute together!" Meanwhile, you're going through hell because ya'll ain't been happy since the last picture posted 2 weeks ago. I just believe that if God put you together, your relationship should not have to be hard. It shouldn't have to be a struggle to get along. You shouldn't have to fight for love, attention, or respect. Like I said before, God loves you so why would He allow your heart to be mishandled?
Lee and I both sought God concerning each other. We would not have proceeded if we didn't have God's approval. Lee and I talk all the time about the events leading up to us meeting, and we both agree that God orchestrated it perfectly. God healed us both before we met. God helped us to learn to communicate better.
If you take nothing else from this, I want you to encourage you to seek God's will in every decision! He knows who and what's best for you. He cares about you and your heart. His will is that you are loved on this earth as He loves you in heaven. Remember who you are and remember that God wants you to have His best!
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