While home for Thanksgiving, my mom, brother, and I were having a conversation about a variety of topics. Somehow my brother and I started talking about our childhood and what we enjoyed, missed, and wished we could go back and change about it. I can honestly say there are very few things that I wish I could go back and change. The main thing I wish I could go back and change is not sticking with playing the piano. My grandmother, who was a self-taught pianist, started teaching me when she would watch me during the summer. I remember she had a piano in her living room and I would sit next to her on the bench listening to her sing and play. Eventually I started picking up things here and there, and I learned to play "Looking For A Miracle" by the Clark Sisters. My grandmother even bought me keyboard so that I could keep practicing. Nobody in our family can/could play the piano except for my grandmother. Now that I am older and trying to learn to play again, it is a huge struggle!!!
When American Idol first debuted, everyone who heard me sing told me I should go out for American Idol. My mom would look up audition locations and tell me I should go for it. Then Sunday's Best started coming on and once again people were trying to convince me to go. I always said no. Reasons being: I didn't feel like I was good enough; I wasn't old enough; I was worried about how I was supposed to go to school and be on these shows; I hate competition. I don't regret not going on these shows because in reality I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for the media. I wasn't ready for the politics behind who won and who didn't. We didn't know enough about the music industry or legalities that came along with being on the shows. I truly feel that if I had gone that route I would have encountered situations that would have broken me to the point that I would not have wanted to sing anymore.
We used to get these pamphlets in the mail about beauty pageants. My mom was always saying that I should do it. She had it all planned out. From my hair to my dresses to my talent. Once again, I said no. I was not ready for that kind of exposure. I would have been devastated to be hyped up by my family just to get there and be rejected by the judges. My psyche was too weak back then to deal with that rejection. It would have broken what little self-confidence I did have. I know my family meant well, but I always knew in my heart that those routes were not for me.
I'm glad that I had those years to mature. I had a lot to learn about God, myself, and this gift I have. I am in a place now where I know more about the industry and whatever I don't know, I have so many people around me now that can answer my questions.
I often times feel kind of like David. God was preparing David when he was in obscurity tending to sheep. After Samuel anointed David to be king, he didn't actually take the throne until almost 15 years later. During that time, David served in various capacities and took some hits that were all in preparation for the throne. (See my post titled "That's a Hit!" to learn what hits are) I say all of that to say, God has perfect timing. He knows when things should and shouldn't happen. You may be called and anointed to do certain things, but that doesn't mean that you are supposed to do them right at that moment. Lee always says, "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing." I have been anointed since birth to sing, but my childhood was not the time to pursue music. My childhood was time for me to prepare. Even in my young adulthood, this is time for me to prepare. Even though I know that pursuing music is the next season of my life, it is not the right time for me to be on these big platforms. I'm not ready to be there. I still have so much left to learn! God is still preparing me for what's to come. And you know what? I'm glad. I'm glad He's preparing me now before I hit the big platforms. I am happy to be obscure. I am happy that not many people can see my mess ups and mistakes right now. I am happy that I still have time to work and grow, because I know there will come a day when I won't have time to do anything but perform.
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