On Saturday morning, the praise team had to sing at our church women's prayer breakfast. After the event, a lady stopped me in the lobby. I had never talked with her so I sat down on the couch and listened to what she had to say. She was very soft spoken so it was difficult to hear what she was saying, but from what I could make out she told me that I had an anointing and could feel the Spirit every time I sang. Then she told me, "you need to tone it down." I repeated that statement back to her to make sure I heard her correctly. She confirmed that I had heard her right and continued to tell me that I sing too loud some times. She then said that she felt led to say this to me, and that she wouldn't be saying anything if she didn't feel the Lord leading her. She proceeded to ask the Lord to forgive her if what she was saying wasn't from Him. Surprisingly, it didn't bother me that much. It caught me off guard but I wasn't upset about it. Thank God for growth! Because had it been a few years or even a few months earlier, I probably would have cried. When I got to the car, I called my husband and told him what the lady said. We laughed about it, then changed the subject to something else.
On Sunday, we had a guest praise and worship leader. I was on background vocals and was so happy to just be a participant instead of the leader. It was very different though. The congregation's response was so much different than usual. The majority of the church was engaged and standing unlike usual Sundays where there's only 3-5 people engaged. It was great but it also made me wonder, why? What was different? When I sat down after praise and worship, my mind was still racing with thoughts of why the response was so different. Then the lady's comments from Saturday came back to me. I started wondering if maybe there were other people who also thought that I needed to "tone it down" and that's why the response was so different. I started thinking that maybe it's because of me that people aren't getting what they need from praise and worship.
The guest speaker we had preached a message called, "Leave Them Alone." She used the story of Martha and Mary. How in Luke chapter 10, when Jesus came to their home, Martha was busy working but Mary sat at His feet. Then in John chapter 12, Mary took down her hair and washed his feet with her tears and expensive perfume. In John chapter 12, Judas began making comments about what she was doing, and Jesus responded with "Leave her alone..." Our speaker was saying that we need to let people praise and worship how they want. We have no room to judge their praise and worship because we don't know what they've been through. During the message, I was still thinking about what happened during praise and worship and what the lady had said to me. I concluded that there is no one else I can be. I can't change or apologize for how I praise and worship God. I can't act like He hasn't been good to me. I can't act like He hasn't been faithful to me. I can't "tone it down," because God doesn't tone down His blessings on me. He doesn't hold back His goodness towards me. King David told Saul's daughter in 2 Samuel 6:22 (NIV), "I will become even more undignified than this..." This was in response to her saying to him that a distinguished king shouldn't be leaping and dancing. When I'm in praise and worship, I am definitely a jumper, a spinner, and a hair thrower. God is amazing and He deserves everything I have to give. And honestly, for everything God has done for me? He deserves so much more than anything I could ever offer. He deserves so much more than just a spin or a jump or a hair toss.
After service, the same lady from Saturday got my attention and told me she wanted to speak with me again. She ended up apologizing for what she said. She shared with me that it had bothered her all evening and morning, and she had to come and apologize. She confessed that her comments came from her and not from the Lord. She told me to keep doing what I'm doing. Don't tone down anything. Praise God and sing exactly how I want. I said thank you and we went our separate ways. I was shocked because out of all my years in church and having people freely give me their unwanted opinions on what I should do or shouldn't do, no one has ever come and apologized to me. Even when I know and they know what they've said was not of God, no one has ever apologized.
So, what did I learn from this experience? I learned that God is strengthening my heart and my mind. That lady's words could have broken me at one point in my life, but God has truly been working on me. I learned that while I could never repay God for all that He has done, through my praise and worship, I will do the best I can. I will do my best to give Him all that He deserves, and I won't apologize or feel bad about it.
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